Home versus Old Age Home
October 2, 2007 by Open Article Submission
Filed under Home and Family
A news item in a national daily the other day made one sits up in his chair. It was about the sorry plight of the widow of India’s one of the greatest music directors – late Sachin Dev Burman. Mrs. Meera Dev Burman, the lady in distress, dose not have only one single VIP introduction. She is also the mother of another great Indian musician – late Rahul Dev Burman, and the mother in law of the great singer Asha Bhonsle [nee Dev Burman].
Mrs. Meera Dev Burman, who is in her eighties now, was herself an expert dancer and singer in her early days. She became a widow more than 30 years ago and lost her only son, Rahul Dev Burman some 20 years later in 1994. It is now learnt that 84 years old and infirm lady has been dumped in an old age home in Mumbai by her famous daughter-in-law Asha Bhonsle! She is reported to be “frail” and “unable to walk”. Two attendants look after her.
The immediate reaction of any sentimental reader of the news item is one of shock and dismay. The harsh reality of the modern times and modern society dawns upon him immediately. He is forced to ponder over the ever decreasing importance of old values of our Indian society – the values which where so dear and so important to us. There was a time when we used to take pride in these values and felt sorry for the western society, which was not “blessed” with these.
Needless to say that people of Asha Bhonsle’s financial status or even those who are a few steps below her, can well afford to provide some space for their old parents in their own residence. It is not the money, nor the riches that the old people want from their children. What they need most in the winter of their lives is the loving touch and the comfort of the company of their near and dear ones. It is easy to criticize the action and may be, the attitude to, of Asha Bhonsle towards her octogenarian mother-in-law. One even shudders to think and feels that if this can happen to the nearest family members of the country’s one of the all time great artiest, then god knows what is there in store for common people.
Unfortunately, Asha Bhonsle’s action against her own hapless mother-in-law is not the lone example of this kind in modern India. The truth is that, it has become a deep-rooted malaise of our sick modern society. Gone are the days when family bond, respect to the elders, compassion for the old and infirm and values like those were highly rated in India. In fact these were the essence of our civilized society – what we call “our culture”. Now unfortunately these values seem to have become obsolete to a modern Indian. Now you talk about these values and glorify them only at your own risk of being ridiculed and dubbed as one with “18th century mentality”!!
In the modern times, the meaning of the word family has shrunk down to one’s wife and children only, where parents, grand parents, uncles and aunties, brothers and sisters, cousins and nephews or nieces have no place. A “modern” Indian family dose not want and even despises the presence of any relative in the family other than one’s wife and children. Unfortunately the same psyche works among the people of every strata – rich, poor or middle class of the society, only in different degrees. Be it a rich, super rich, and not very rich or poor family, everywhere the picture is the same. If the old people are fortunate enough, their sons or daughters in law might find for them a seat or a room, in some old age homes. The not some lucky oldies are left to fend for themselves. Sometimes some old people themselves, if they are rich enough, opt for the old age home after being fed up with the perpetual neglect and insult heaped upon them by their own children. But one thing is certain – whether the children desert their old parents, or the parents themselves decides live separately away from the company of their children and grand children, it is the heart of the old people that bleeds most. It is they who feel the pangs of separation most.
Author: Subhash Dey
copyright: openarticlesubmission.com
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Your article is good and conveys lot of message but I personally think you should also look at the other picture of this which I can sense and might be true as well… Ashaji might have put her mother-in-law in Old Age Home as she might not be able to give personal attention on their needs in person due to the schedule she must be having and to rely on servant now a days is a big deal so OLD AGE HOME is the place where people are made feel comfortable and give all the attention that is required. Staying in the same home and being neglected its better to be taken care of that person in the better way by admitting them in Good Old Age Home!!! We always make comment on anyone without taking note of all the thing…. I dont want to hurt anyone’s feeling but this is what I feel after reading the Article.
The word NEGLECT looks pretty larger when it comes to elderly parents, depending on whether families are intact, blended, and headed by a rational or irrational behavior amongst them.
A better scrutinization of the word NEGLECT, its causes and reasons, can only be done and corroborated by closer observation on the diversification in the family.
Comprehensive analyses and decisions can be taken, seeing how sensitive the issue is…
In this case, the needy and the helpless seniors are not looked after and left on their own, when they only need is a ‘caring word’ and ‘attention’.
I completely agree to Mr. Subash Deys interpretation on the subject matter.
KIDOS SIR!!! But who’s listening in this Modern Era?????
In the changing society environment India is slowly losing her grip to the western outlook where the parents limit their association with their children who forget that one day they do also have to nurture with the vicious circle.
It is nothing surprising to learn that Mrs.S.d.Burman is caught in the melee.
The day is not too far for Mrs.Asha Bhonsle Burman to get caught with the hypocritical status.
Hindu Dharma is such. Nobody can be out of the clutches of the past records/deeds.
This article is in poor taste.
Please try to find out the facts before commenting on someone else’s personal life and decisions.
If some one legendry singer Asha Bhonsle has dared to han her boots to own her responsibility, it is now up to god to hand over the decision. Indeed, despite India is a conservative country whith so much importance attached to customs, traditions and pujas; we just negelct the purpose of sheer existence. Come one Guys, we are human beigns and we ought to help such people who need us. After all, youngsters carry much responsiblity amidst the guidance and blessing of seniors. Love the grandies and see the expression on their face. You will enjoy the warmth. Remember, what goes round comes back to you!
It’s very easy to criticise for the people who haven’t faced the situation to look after sick and elderly parents. It’s an unimaginable task to look after very sick person like Asha Bhonsle’s Mother in law. First of all any hired help in the city like Bombay is not 100% reliable. Sometimes they simply don’t show up at your house–no matter how much money you can offer. Of course you can’t blame them so much, they also have their family responsibilities. And we don’t have a service in India called agency for health aid workers like in North America where we can simply call them and there is a very good chance that someone will drive to your place to take care of the sick person.
I would like to know from the writer and from all the people commenting on this article…how many of you face/have faced this situation in your lives…prolonged stay with an elderly person who is sick or has dementia? I have and I do…on a daily basis.
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I’m certainly not advocating that the elderly should be forsaken at the very first chance available as it is inconvenient. In fact, I do not plan to do this to the elderly in my family at all…no matter how bad it gets. But if somebody else chooses to send their parents or any aged to an old age home, I would understand. I would not be so quick to judge as some of you have been. It is a hard hard job and some people may not be up to it. That is ok. I would suggest that let us not be so quick to pass judgement on people who do make alternative arrangements for the elderly…that reeks of the kind of “journalism” that pervades our media and especially the TV News channels today
in my opinion old age homes are very neccessary so as to prevent the harassement from their own children.now a days as the standard of living increases ,both husband and wife has to go for work.so they see their old parents as a burden……………
The rage of age by Peter Shakespeare Baxter
Shall I compare thee to a child at play?
You are much more stupid and far less petite.
And rumbling winds echo within your pants, I’d say,
Smelling much worse, than any a dog would eat.
Sometimes thy massacred eyes look into mine
Through streaked, flashed hair that needs a cut,
No scarecrow has a mop like thine,
The crows have flown, leaving footprints in time.
The shadow of your grin it will not fade;
Though an image of your youth, I always keep.
O, how I would love to change you for someone new;
That would look like an angel, in her a sleep.
Suddenly I hear a crash, but that’s….Dam
That’s seven years bad luck, and I missed the cat.
Peter Baxter
All the world’s a female stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
they have their exits and their entrances,
and one woman in her time plays many parts,
her acts being in nine ages. At first, the infant,
mewling and puking in her nurse’s arms.
then the young lady, with her satchel
and her lovely made up face, shining like a star,
learning earnestly in school. And then the mother,
with the whole world in her hands, competing within another world
designed by man for man. Then a divorcee,
full of strange oaths and looking for a new partner,
jealous in honour, sudden and quick in quarrel,
seeking the bubble reputation
even in the in-laws mouth. And then the fight,
with a fair round belly with good capon lined,
with massacred eyes and a surgeons formal cut,
experienced and wise but competing with modern instances;
and so she plays her part. The sixth age shifts her
into her lean and sexy pants that she keeps aloof,
her spectacles on her nose and her handbag on her side;
her youthful hose too young saved, for a world all too wise,
the seventh age is the very opposite of childishness when
she was so quick to learn and never did forget,
and now the eighth age rumbles on with grand children
she will laugh and cry, unto the time that she may die,
last scene of all, that ends this strange eventful tale,
is second childishness and in a nappy bound,
sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything